The best way to stay out of people’s business is to know what this business is.
Where would I put a finger?
Gemma is really a bit second tier.
You can’t do cocaine with a broken nose. So I asked my maid to give me a booty bump and she quit.
– I didn’t want Adam dead.
– Then why mention him in my presence?
Once I realised she wasn’t a guy called Simon her writing started to make a whole lot more sense.
– You have spiked their blood sugar.
– Oh no, these raspberries cupcakes are sugar-free!
– There’s sugar in raspberries!
Given all you accomplished, how do you stay so humble?
Love is mostly chemicals. Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin. To activate all three, exercise, eat some protein, squeeze in eight hugs a day.
And if you get too overwhelmed just use the safe word: hakuna matata.
The person that makes you feel the most you.
The person that makes you grow the most.
Phoney-baloney cacka shit.
You know I think life is all about timing.
“Billy spoke with you about our sex?!”
“Of course, he did. I’m his mother!”
My mom says I’m not worth the calories I eat.
Men don’t take the time to end things. They ignore you. Until you insist on a declaration of hate.
You’re lonely? Then get a cat. They live 13 years. Then you get another one and another one after that. Then you’re done.
– Why do all these ads have the word “love” in them?
– The client insisted. Must have heard it on the radio.
Do you know it’s a sin to be a ghoul and feed on everyone’s pain?
You’re a beautiful girl. It’s up to you to be more than that.
– Cocaine is the one substance that would make her socially acceptable.
– It would kill her!
– Exactly!
I don’t believe a life lived perfectly is the goal. A life that has produced scars and wrinkles and a heart open enough that’s bound to get broken a few times… that’s what I‘m after.
– You don’t remember any of their phone numbers? Not even your mom’s?
– I‘m young, remember?!
– OMG, you look hot!
– Well, duh, it’s still me!
– No, you look sweaty…
– Back in the day when I wanted some strange, I would grab a Wall Street dude coming out of spin class. I knew exactly what his body looked like, I knew what his sweat smelled like, and I knew for sure there would be no emotional attachment. I could simply hate-fuck his capitalist brains right out his prick.
– Before Lehman Brothers went down, Neri went down on Lehman Brothers.
– Luschek just commented “believe women”. And he did the fist emoji, but he changed the skin color to white, instead of keeping it Simpsons yellow. Who does that? That’s some white supremacist shit right there.
– Maybe I am not the best person to be advising you on this, considering you blackmailed me into giving you a blowjob.
– That was consensual blackmail. And now, we are living in non-wedded bliss.
– Joe, the best thing you can do as a straight white man is shut the fuck up.
– But that’s crazy. I get it, men have been abusive assholes throughout time, but I am not one of those guys. I’m just trying to get the facts straight.
– The only thing more annoying than you being a nice guy is your need for everyone to think that you’re a nice guy. It’s not gonna happen, but this will blow over, ’cause the world doesn’t really care about anyone, and it certainly doesn’t care about women.
So, sit tight and let it pass.
– What did you think about it? And be brutally honest, but lead with the positive, because I might shut down and not be able to process the criticism.
– So, what’s the difference between the racisms?
– Capital-R racism implies that the racist assumes racial superiority or performs deliberate acts of discrimination. Casual racism is about negative prejudice or racial stereotypes concerning race, and is most often unintentionally offensive. They both have negative impact, but casual racism makes me laugh, so I indulge.
Are you asking me to Marie Kondo my wife?
Continue reading “Finale”You wanted fire? Sorry, my speciality is ice!