– You have spiked their blood sugar.
– Oh no, these raspberries cupcakes are sugar-free!
– There’s sugar in raspberries!
Given all you accomplished, how do you stay so humble?
Love is mostly chemicals. Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin. To activate all three, exercise, eat some protein, squeeze in eight hugs a day.
And if you get too overwhelmed just use the safe word: hakuna matata.
– You don’t remember any of their phone numbers? Not even your mom’s?
– I‘m young, remember?!
– OMG, you look hot!
– Well, duh, it’s still me!
– No, you look sweaty…
– Back in the day when I wanted some strange, I would grab a Wall Street dude coming out of spin class. I knew exactly what his body looked like, I knew what his sweat smelled like, and I knew for sure there would be no emotional attachment. I could simply hate-fuck his capitalist brains right out his prick.
– Before Lehman Brothers went down, Neri went down on Lehman Brothers.
– Luschek just commented “believe women”. And he did the fist emoji, but he changed the skin color to white, instead of keeping it Simpsons yellow. Who does that? That’s some white supremacist shit right there.
– Maybe I am not the best person to be advising you on this, considering you blackmailed me into giving you a blowjob.
– That was consensual blackmail. And now, we are living in non-wedded bliss.
– Joe, the best thing you can do as a straight white man is shut the fuck up.
– But that’s crazy. I get it, men have been abusive assholes throughout time, but I am not one of those guys. I’m just trying to get the facts straight.
– The only thing more annoying than you being a nice guy is your need for everyone to think that you’re a nice guy. It’s not gonna happen, but this will blow over, ’cause the world doesn’t really care about anyone, and it certainly doesn’t care about women.
So, sit tight and let it pass.
– What did you think about it? And be brutally honest, but lead with the positive, because I might shut down and not be able to process the criticism.
– So, what’s the difference between the racisms?
– Capital-R racism implies that the racist assumes racial superiority or performs deliberate acts of discrimination. Casual racism is about negative prejudice or racial stereotypes concerning race, and is most often unintentionally offensive. They both have negative impact, but casual racism makes me laugh, so I indulge.
Are you asking me to Marie Kondo my wife?
Continue reading “Finale”– Cause society has conditioned me to see female sexuality as currency.
– Right! And it’s time to spend a little in exchange for a burger.
– Touché.
– In Russia, we have a saying: “Don’t open your mouth to eat other people’s bread.”
– Or what?
– Ask the Germans in wintertime.
Don’t fuck where you eat or shit where you fuck. It’s bad business.
I too was once embarrassed and squeamish about my personal… eau de parfume. But then I thought, ‘Why should I be ashamed? Isn’t that a part of the self-hatred that has been bred into me by the patriarchy? And aren’t those same men that would shame me not the same men that would wear my panties on their faces, inhaling deeply?
Because this is America. Violence is all good and fine. But sex? Lord, no!
That’s the thing with the internet. Nobody’s a freak no more.
Two in the pink, one in the stink. It ain’t rocket science.
Fuck diamonds, I got spinach!
I’m not crazy, I’m chosen.
– One sentence, two prisoners.
– That sounds like two girls, one cup.
I’m going to do to you what spring does with cherry trees… But in a prison way.