I’m not happy and I don’t pretend to be. Instead I’m busy, I’m interested. […] I work until I can’t think straight and I forget to feed myself and the light outside dims to a tired glow. I work until I smell weird.
“I’m not happy and I don’t pretend to be.
When I do these things, I’m not smiling or beaming with joy. I’m not happy. In truth, when I do these things, I’m often suffering. […] I do these things because I want to be tormented and challenged and interested. I want to be busy and beautiful and brimming with ten thousand moving parts. I want to hurt so that I can heal. I’m not unhappy.”
“Anger and negativity have their uses, too. Instead of trying to alleviate some of the uncomfortable and unpleasant emotions you feel by “trying to be positive,” try being negative instead. Seriously, try it sometime. This will help you get in touch with how you actually feel: “I feel hopeless and fat and stupid. And like a failure for feeling this way. […]
The truth about healing is that you don’t need to heal.
Sometimes just giving yourself permission to feel any emotion without judgment or censorship can lessen the intensity of those negative emotions. […]
The truth about healing is that you don’t need to heal to be whole. And by whole, I mean damaged, missing pieces of who you were, your heart—missing what feels like some of your most important parts. And yet, not missing any part of you at all.”